A lot of marriages failed, mostly in their first five years as a couple, because of unpreparedness before saying their "I do". A lot of couples fell in love and directly thought that this is the man/woman they are looking for. After the wedding and a blissful honeymoon, everything became a nightmare because of a lot of reasons. Some of the main reasons are high expectations, lack of communication, money problems, and the worst, an illicit love affair.
Let us not talk about the last reason above. Rather, let us understand why these things happened. Since this article is all about readiness before marriages, then we will focus on this side of marriage.
Preparation before marriage must be taken into consideration. In fact a lot of divorce or separation could have been avoided if couples went through counseling sessions or seminars before the wedding. My husband and I went through these counseling sessions before exchanging our wedding vows. The only thing I can say is that I am really grateful that we did it. Now, I will share the things we have learned:
1. High expectations. A lot of marriages started nice and good but when the wife/husband realized the weaknesses of the partner, things started to change. "This is not the kind of woman I wanted to marry." "I never expected that my husband snores a lot." The complaints will not end there. Slowly the other looks on the other in a negative manner.
Counsel: Think of your partner as a unique/special person. Your partner has good points, too. That is the reason why you fell in love in the first place. Rather, think on how you can complement your talents and gifting with each other. Try to look on your partner in a positive manner.
Course of action: After the counsel we were required to write down all our expectations with our partner and, the things we like and dislike as a person. We, also, wrote the good and bad points that we saw toward our partner. Then I shared my list to my husband and he gave his list to me. Think of our reactions as we read the list. Through those lists, we talked about how to work things out even we were not yet married at that time. Then we kept doing this course of action once in a while, even until now. My husband and I will be having our wedding 18th anniversary this December and our relationship is getting sweeter in every moment.
2. Lack of Communication. This is one of the marriage killers in the history of mankind. Men tend not to openly communicate their feelings while women are very expressive. Also, women, most of the time, assume that the partner understood their actions without verbally explaining it. See the big difference?
Counsel: Human beings are quite like idiots a lot of times. How can one understand the other person without saying it through words? That is exactly why we should verbally communicate what is in our hearts. My husband always says he loves me every day on a of lot ways. I know what these actions means because he told me his codes. One of his codes is that he just simply taps me three times and that means "I love you."
Course of Action: We were told by our counselor to share the things in our minds to our partner without thinking of rejection and we treat the other the same way. We were told to think of it as a way to improve ourselves. At the same time, to try to listen first what the other has to say without reacting negatively right away. With this practicum, we were able to practice sharing our thoughts with each other. This practicum always reminded us on how to communicate well until now.
3. Money Problems. This problem can, also, be part of lack of communication. Budgeting is a major issue as well.
Counsel: In marriage, there is a possibility that either one of the couple is careful when it comes to money matter while the other is the opposite. Each should learn to communicate when money is concerned. Both must learn to live according to their means and not through their wants. Both must talk first if one will purchase a major item for the household or for personal use. Even if the couples earned from their own jobs but sharing your thoughts to your partner is all about trust and friendship as a couple.
Course of Action: We wrote down our incomes on paper. Then we prepared a list of expense priorities for the family. We, also, wrote the things we wanted to see in our household, like owning a house, and the preparations for the future, like insurance. Then we tried to budget our money based on our priorities first then for the other things. This experience enabled us to go back to this course of action every time money problem comes in and before we make major decisions.
I can keep on writing but to cover the major issues is an accomplishment as well. Hoping this article will help you as you prepare to be tied forever to your special somebody. These counsels are also applicable to already married couples. I hope this helps you because it helped us a lot.
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