You would think that when you issue a formal wedding invitation, it should be a given that a response is expected from the guests. In the vast majority of cases, wedding invitations even state "RSVP" or "The favour of a reply is requested". In fact, many brides go so far as to include stamped self-addressed reply cards so that guests have to expend virtually no effort at all in sending their response. Yet, even with all of this, it is far too common for the last days before the wedding to roll around and the bride and groom are still left hanging by people who have not accepted or declined the invitation. So what should you do if your wedding guests don't RSVP?
Many a bride worries that to track down guests who have not responded to a wedding invitation will appear rude or pushy. As long as it is done graciously, however, there is absolutely nothing rude about it at all; actually it is the guest who has blown off their duty who is being ill-mannered. After all, you have to know how many mouths you will be feeding, who to put on the seating chart, and what your final expenditures will look like.
For couples who have budgeted their weddings carefully, it can be very helpful to know whether or not you will be serving dinner to 100 guests or 110. Considering the price per person, the difference of a few guests either way can mean hundreds of dollars, and it would be nice to know if you will have that extra cash to splurge on the extras like getting the complete sets of bridesmaid jewelry as gifts or if you had better limit your bridesmaid jewelry gifts to just a pair of earrings. There is nothing worse than paying for meals that go uneaten, unless it is having guests show up for whom there is no dinner waiting. So, by all means, track down those non-responsive guests diligently!
A phone call is the place to start with people who have not responded to your wedding invitation. If you put a specific deadline on your response cards, wait until a few days after the date has passed to account for any stragglers. Otherwise, go by whatever deadline your caterer has given you. If the bride has a wedding coordinator, she should be given the somewhat awkward task of trying to wrangle responses out of wayward guests. When there is no planner, the job will generally fall to to the bride or her mother. A simple call saying, "We did not receive your reply to our wedding invitation yet, and we wanted to be sure that you can join us." will do the trick for most people. If you have to leave a message, be sure to conclude with "Could you please call me back at your earliest convenience?" and give them the best number to reach you.
For most people, a reminder call is enough to trigger a reply to your invitation, but if you still don't hear back and crunch time is nearing, it is definitely acceptable to make a follow up call. Keep your tone pleasant, but firm. When leaving a message, say something like, "Sorry to bother you, but we still have not received your response to our wedding invitation, and the caterer is demanding that I give her a final head count by Friday. I do so hope you can come to my wedding, but if I have not heard back from you by Friday, I will assume that means you cannot make it."
Anyone who wants to attend will certainly be motivated by the final deadline, and a guest who does not bother to reply probably had no intention of attending in the first place. Of course, if you do get a call two days before your wedding from an old friend apologizing dearly for being so late to reply, the only thing to do is to graciously tell her you are glad she is coming and find a way to squeeze her in for dinner. After all, friends and family are more important than punishing someone for being an inconsiderate guest.